(This post was originally started on August 24th)
I had my Saturday Bible Group this past weekend.
I cannot share what we talk about, but I can share one thing. What I talked about.
MY CAR.
One of the women asked if I named my car. I had never named her, but I did shortly after she asked me that.
While everyone was sharing, the name "Bertie" popped into my head. It reminded me of that movie, Hope Floats. I love that movie. Sandra Bullock and Henry Connick, Jr. were amazing in that movie. If I wanted a love story, that would be it.
This guy chased her.
He really loved her.
Flaws, warts and all he loved this woman. Loved her for a long time. She left home and all her family, and did her own thing, and the consequences were horrendous, but in the end, here's this guy who undoubtedly loved this girl and waited patiently for the right timing to do what needed to be done.
And waited for her to do the same.
It was a "happily ever after" kind of ending.
Beautiful.
If you think about it, God is just like Harry Connick, Jr's character.
He'll wait..
...and wait...
...and wait.
No matter how unworthy we feel or how huge our mistakes or how messed up we are, He is there...WAITING.
Loving us through it all.
Now that's the greatest love story ever in my book.
Better than Harry Connick, Jr. and Sandra Bullock.
Today has been a day for me.
I bit my lip.
Not once, not twice, but three times. And the last time I bit my lip I cried. I had bite of my daughter's smores cups and I cried like a baby.
That's frustration coming out ya'll.
I wanted to yell at someone.
So I yelled at satan and told him to leave me alone and go back to hell.
I did.
I said that.
Because I was angry and the devil wants us to blame God when our lives or our emotions are a hot mess, but I am so much smarter than that.
This is what happened, it started out that I had brought the wrong book to group. I brought my book on boundaries when I was suppose to bring my book on "The Joy of Encouragement".
I really needed that book today of all days.
Then I get to group, and I brought cookies to share but didn't think to bring plates. Thankfully one of my amazing sisters brought napkins for the coffee.
Bertie decided yesterday to start sputtering on me. She decided to start making me question my life, if only for two stop lights on the road as I took my daughter to her father's house. I questioned my own value and for a split second I almost wanted to give up.
A very dull and dry, "whatever," escaped my mouth in the presence of my daughter.
That made me even angrier.
Then, I repeated those same words I said the last time car troubles ensued when Bertie's engine light glared at me (read all about it HERE ) and I was ready to (almost) throw in the towel on reality and go sulk in a corner with the whole bunch of baked goods I had made to share at group today.
Clearly this is something God is telling me to work on.
My faith.
Now back to Bertie and my brain.
I started picturing worse case scenarios; you know, the ones where the worst possible things happen to you because something happened in your life that, in the moment seems catastrophic, but in the grand scheme of things really isn't that horrific of an event.
"If this car breaks down, on my way to take my daughter to school, there are over 3,000 parents/students dropping off. What if my car breaks down while I'm in the single line of drop off cars where I cannot pull over anywhere?"
"If my car breaks down, I will lose my job. If I lose my job, I will lose my apartment. If I lose my apartment where will I live?"
"What about my daughter how will I get her to school if I have no car? What if I have to move back to Indiana? But who would I live with if I had to go back?" "I'm going to miss the boys' Senior graduation. They will never forgive me for that one!"
That's me when I get in my head.
Thankfully, being a child of God I don't stay there but a moment.
By the time we made it to the second stop light(about 5 minutes from home) I just told her that we will be fine. I will be fine, I have the tow service and she looked at me and said "We have pasta this time," and that was that.
I keep trying to let God in here, and I KNOW without an unfathomable doubt He's got me, but sometimes when trials come about it's hard to really focus and trust God COMPLETELY.
Raise your hand if you can relate to that.
We're all family here, go ahead, raise your hand. There is no judgment coming from me.
Trust me on that.
I am over here raising my hand too.
In my head I am raising it anyway.✋
Seems God will toss a trial here and there every so often just to keep me on my praying toes.
For most of us(raises hand yet again) we forget sometimes(not always) to praise God when the storm ends and the light of the sun has been glistening a while atop our foreheads and families and jobs and we think "We've" got it all under control.
That's when God will decide to sprinkle another shower. Once in a while that shower turns to a storm, and in some cases he throws a whole hurricane or F5 tornado our way and it feels like it will never end.
But it does.
And as long as our faith stays in tact, there is nothing to worry about.
Worry is normal. We are people not robots, but when worry creeps in, we have to remember GOD IS IN CONTROL.
Give Him the wheel.
Heck, ask him to just please take the whole stinkin' car that is your life.
"You have this, tell me what YOU want Lord. If I remain in the wilderness, help me to get through this. Help me to learn what I need to. If I am being prideful, or if it's gluttony, or if it's anxiety, lack of forgiveness, if you just miss me, your precious child from spending time with you as I should, whatever it is Lord help me to change it or remove it from my life."
That isn't always easy to do.
CHANGE.
But unless you want to be stuffed in the belly of a whale, I strongly suggest you listen and heed God's voice.
Just a suggestion.
Yes we do have free will and all, but there are some very mighty consequences when you take that free will and use it all willy-nilly.
God loves you.
This is fact.
When your whole world is all topsy-turvy and jumbled up all over and you feel like you are going to have a nervous breakdown(or have already had one), go to your room or your end table or wherever it is and grab that Bible of yours, turn off the phone, the tv, and spend some time with our Almighty Father.
He is there.
Waiting.
He left the 99 to find you, He will wait as long as it takes until you come back to Him and rest in his Almighty loving arms.
