*Side note here folks: I wrote this blog on the 12th of March and just finished it this morning.
What a week this has been.
My classroom was crazy. It's almost like they sense the aura of "the change of daylight coming soon to a clock near you" kind of crazy. It's as if a storm is approaching and the winds begin to rustle the leaves around and the thunder rolls and the lightning flashes as animals scurry to find escape from the looming storms surrounding them.
"Welcome to pre-daylight savings time in the classroom, Barb."
I woke up in pain a few days this week. The usual, knees and hips. I don't complain about my ailments to anyone, because there is no need to. This has been an ongoing "body battle" alongside my weight issues(which has probably caused my knee issues), my occasional bouts of dizziness and the occasional female issues that seem to be present for a "light dusting of fun" my body will throw at me. I have made an appointment for the yearly review and my annual "photo of the girls" as I have termed it.
This has me a little nervous, but I am sure I will pass this physical with flying colors.
I thought I was aging like a fine wine. It's more like a grape juice with seeds from a lemon someone tossed inside the juice press for kicks. I have aches in places I never thought could ache, and the parts that use to be "bendy" don't bend anymore, yet the parts that shouldn't will bend, buckle or pop at a moment's notice out of the blue.
It can be exhausting. And I can only imagine what it must be like for people who struggle with fibromyalgia, or rheumatoid arthritis or some other diagnosis that isn't due from just getting older.
I have had friends and relatives who have suffered from both.
I don't mind getting older, I just wish it didn't hurt so bad so often.
Don't get me wrong, I love this life God has given me. And anyone that knows me, would never in a million years guess that some days are hard for me to bear, or that I might cry in the morning because I ache so badly, because I choose to keep joy in me rather than sorrow.
Does this mean I don't complain EVER?
Out loud, to God, yes I do.
In my head? Yes.
To a friend or group of friends on occasion? Of course.
I will peel myself off the floor where I sit at work, when the kids are going to another activity and I will tell my co-teacher or kids, "Miss Barb isn't as bendy as she use to be kids!", as I sloowwwwly rise up to a standing position just praying I don't fall over.
Things that use to be easy to do are harder;
"Thank you Jesus that I can still use my arms to hug my daughter as she starts her school day, and hug these children I work with in the mornings as they arrive."
Memory comes and goes sometimes. I remember stuff, but then forget it by the time I get home, or get to the next room even. Which is why ladies(and if there is a gentleman out there actually reading this) I now have lists everywhere around my home and classroom. And on occasion I tend to lose said lists in various parts of my home and/or classroom which usually revolves around me saying, "Has anyone seen my list for (fill in the blank)?", with a slight giggle that will escape my mouth.
"Thank you Jesus that I still have a mind that usually works so I can remember to tell my daughter and all my children that I love them and want them to do their best today."
There is a woman I knew, who is now with Jesus. I remember my daughter and I attended her Celebration of Life several years ago, and the church was packed. This woman was filled with Jesus, and you know how I know this? Because she had cancer, end-stage cancer, end stage cancer that gives you pains and aches so horrific you can barely function. One time I asked to hug her, but she smiled and said "I would love for you to hug me, but it hurts." Broke my heart for her into a million tiny pieces.
By the grace of God however, this woman continued serving like a champ. I couldn't believe it. Here was this woman, who if you had no clue who she was or what she was dealing with in her last days, wore a smile on her face and there was laughter still left in her to share with others. People came to her with questions, concerns, and complaints and oftentimes her reply would come with a gentle smile. It was as if God sent this angel to earth to show others that despite your circumstances, you can continue and NOT complain and show forgiveness and love to others.
She focused on Jesus, not her circumstances.
She focused on the joy of the Lord, not the pain in her body.
Her favorite scripture was "The joy of the Lord is my strength", and I can tell you the joy of the Lord WAS, without a doubt HER STRENGTH.
The last time I talked to her was in a text, I messaged her a question that a senior had asked me(I was a greeter at the night service) and she STILL had answered me back. Three days later, she was gone. I cried so hard when I heard of her passing and my daughter was just as upset over it too.
Her life was a spirit-filled journey with the Lord. She emulated Jesus in every way possible.
During her service, my daughter tapped me on the shoulder and said to me, "Mom, when I grow up I want to be just like her."
"Me too," I replied as I smiled at her with tears streaming down my cheeks.
There is a part of me that thinks that God planted her in our lives so that we can be reminded of His presence and when the going gets tough, you lean on God to keep going.
We are not superwoman by any means, nor will we ever be superwoman.
Is it okay to complain?
YES! OF COURSE! There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with venting about how sore or tired or weak we feel. Nothing wrong with venting about an issue with a family member and asking for prayer, or perhaps issues with a schedule at work or a boss who is scheduling nonstop overtime. No problem with sharing with friends, coworkers, spiritual sisters or brothers even, no problem at all.
We are to bear each other's burdens.
It can be something as tiny as an annoying cuticle to a major diagnosis.
Just remember one thing;
Don't let the ailment define you, let God be defined(and glorified) through your handling of your ailment.
Remember, you can complain fifty times a day, fifty times a week, or a year.
I find however, that if you replace one complaint with one prayer, sometimes those complaints that turn to prayer eventually turn to praise.
I've seen it in others, and on occasion I've seen it in myself too.
Please don't read into this post what isn't there. I am simply sharing this because I think sometimes we all get caught up in our life's situations that we forget to stop and see the good stuff. We forget to stop and COUNT OUR BLESSINGS.
Remember labor pains?
Remember the blessing of those pains?
See where I am going here?
And for those of you who have never experienced labor, maybe you had to travel a long way in a car or on a plane and the journey felt like forever; long lines, rude people, canceled flights, uncomfortable seats. Yet you made it to your destination to hug a someone graduating from college, or hold a new niece or surprise a friend or family member on a special occasion.
Pain and the exhaustion it can bring are not fun. It can make life feel like more of that movie Groundhog Day, where you feel as though your situation is never-ending and ever repetitive and less of a blessing.
Just the other day I had a moment of "whatever-ness". Yeah, that's not a word, but I was having a really hard day emotionally and physically and I just threw up my hands and threw out a very exhausted, "Whatever."
God knows me well enough to know that "whatever" wasn't me doubting Him, it was me simply being human.
Am I less of a Christian if I do complain?
Certainly not.
In fact, Elijah calls out to God, just completely disgusted with his life and even wants God to take his life. I love this chapter, because God makes all these natural disasters happen; He starts with the winds, then He "shakes things up a bit" with an earthquake, great fires and FINALLY God whispers. I just can't imagine God, all-powerful, ALMIGHTY GOD whispering.
Know what I mean?
But He does.
He whispers.
And THAT gets Elijah's attention and makes him rethink the course of his life and that he needs to stay focused on God's directions for him.
He isn't hungry anymore.
He's had a nap.
He's survived it all.
And He continues his journey and God's plan for his life.
Yes, I have days I cry out to God. I share some things with my closest friends and family. Just the other day at work, I vented like I have never vented before to a few of my friends/coworkers at the lunch table.
Normally I sit quietly at one of the far tables with a book or my lesson plans. However, on this particular day, I think it was partial exhaustion from the busy work week and stress and partial "can't wait to start spring break-itis" that made me just ramble on in annoyance(which is sooo not like me at all). Usually I just share with close friends and only share SOME of what is going on in my life, but nobody except God above, knows EVERYTHING about me.
I'm sure that's true of all of us.
If I listed everything that ever bothered me this week, I would have no friends left.
I laugh as I type that.
I would have friends left probably, but I really try to spread my issues out over a few separate friends at a time. Versus piling on ALL my "junk" to one poor friend who has her own issues to deal with, you know what I mean?
Know what's ironic about all this?
I had something going on a few weeks ago, and someone needed a listening ear.
Listening to her made my problems seem to vanish.
Poof!
And I managed to help her out as well.
God works in mysterious ways most definitely.
So please complain, but make sure your complaining doesn't define you.
Make sure your complaint has a "...but thank you God for..." attached to it at the end.
We can't always be happy, but we can do our best to try and give God the glory for it in the process.
"Rejoice always, pray continually give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
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