It's Going to Be Okay

I haven't blogged in quite a while.

My life has been busy. 

This past week has been crazy. Summer itself has been crazy. 

Health problems are looming around me, but I am finding comfort in God, my daughter and my church sisters. "God and the girls" are holding me together no doubt.  

I cried in church today during worship. The lyrics were really powerful. Then our Pastor got up and said "You are not alone in this battle." 

That hit me hard.  I wrote that on the top of my notes and highlighted it. I tried to continue to focus on the sermon, God helped me do that. Because this sermon (and the whole entire series I am sure) was really, really good.

I have to keep an upbeat spirit. I have cried so much this week, that between the heat and my tears, I am surprised my skin and bones haven't turned back into dust and returned to the earth. 😀

I joke, because I want to joke.

I joke, because I have to joke.

Otherwise I will lose it for sure.

I looked at some cars this weekend.

I was so excited to see that my credit score was 100 points higher than the last time I looked at it. Which, to be honest, was about 5 years ago. I am not in the "good" credit area, but at least I am out of the "you've got to be kidding me, you want credit with that" score.

I am in the "we will loan you money to purchase a car that runs and has air conditioning" credit score.

I will count my blessings.  Thank you Jesus for that. 

Counting blessings is good.

Counting my blessings is what keeps me going every day.

I will say that I am blessed with a community of people who I never realized how much they cared about me. And some folks, I never realized just how much I meant to them.

I'm just little old me. 

Nothing special really.  I'm not famous, I'm not by any means a model or some type of doctor or nurse or police officer. 

I'm just me.

And somehow, God brought into my life(and brought me into the lives of) people who are genuinely there for me in good times and in not so good times.  I have this little community of folks who love God as much as I do, and we all seem to bear each others burdens when they arise. 

We laugh together.

Worship together.

Cry together.

And hold one another accountable when we need to.

I love all of them.💜

I don't want to dwell on my "health issue", however, I will say the dizziness is  a lot more frequent and I'm not quite sure if that dizziness is related to the other thing that has been bothering me. I have a second appointment with another doctor in a few days who is going to examine something to see if I need anything further to be done with this stupid thing. 

I hate having to go to the doctor. If it wasn't so freaking expensive I may have gone a lot more often. I may have kept this body of mine in pristine condition if my deductible wasn't $1,000 and every visit in between and test and x-ray and labs needed to be done adding even thousands more to the medical bank and less in mine. 

It's not cheap.

But not maintaining is probably going to cost me a lot more.

And to be quite honest I am scared.

This blog is my therapy.

I have another blog that I really need to start posting on again as well, but life has been busy as I said before and I just wanted to post this, because a year from now, I want to see this and look back and thank God for the blessing me of giving me another year here on earth.

Ugh.

Whoever reads this...thanks for listening.

Whoever responds and comments, thanks even more.

God is with me.

It's going to be okay.

It's going to be okay...

When Death Hits Home

"He will wipe every tear from their eye. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away."  - Revelation 21:4

Death is difficult.

This past year has made even the youngest of children, unfortunately, understand how final death really is. Covid was a deadly thing. It not only took lives, but for those who survived it, it took their normalcy away with lingering effects that may or may not last a lifetime; pains, headaches, lung damage,  loss of taste and/or smell, and the list goes on. 

It caused a strain on marriages, death by suicide to hundreds of children due to isolation and the loneliness and fear that followed this evil Covid.  

In the last month, several people I know have lost a loved one. In the next few months there will be a heartbreaking anniversary for the death of a young woman who I knew quite well and her death shook me to the core of my being. I cried so hard when I saw a Facebook post on her page and I was in utter denial and shock that she had gone to be with Jesus. Though I knew in my heart that the end of her life here, was the beginning of her life in the arms of Jesus and safe in eternity from pain, sorrow and tears, it was still a hard pill for me to swallow in the moment. 

The previous year,  I lost two friends in January of 2019; just 12 days apart from one another. 

You can't escape it.

It's inevitable.

And though death seems so bleak, as I mentioned above, being a follower of Christ, I know for a fact that death isn't the end but the beginning. 

Not really much comfort when you are in the throws of sadness and anger but it's truth. Jesus is with us through it all and with us when we finally make it to heaven.  

We have a shiny golden crown awaiting us. 

Our end here, is the beginning of our new forever life with Jesus in Heaven.  

Those words may not seem like much comfort on that first Christmas without Aunt Sara, or the first Easter without Grampa Todd. That empty chair where your husband or wife or child sat at the table is a grim reminder of someone who left that table way...too...soon.

However, instead of focusing on it being a somber moment, rejoice that your loved one is no longer in pain and is smiling and dancing and in awe in the arms of Jesus. Go to Jesus when you cannot sleep, read the Word when you are having time with issues of anger or grief due to the death of a loved one.

He is with you.  He will give you the strength to get through this, even though you feel lost, or weak or as though you just can't go on much longer.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Phillipians 4:13

I started this post a while ago. 

Then the other day while on the phone with my mom, who is a very personal person so I won't share details of what we were talking about, but I began to cry. 

She is fine, her health is good, God has blessed her tremendously with many long years of life and many more to come I am sure. 

Somehow we were talking about her life and when it is over, and I began crying. The thought of losing my mom frightens me and tried to keep the tears from coming. Truth be told, I was actually laughing and crying and she told me not to do that because I would make her cry too. 

(I want my parents to live forever, but we all know God calls us home in His own time.  I also want to get a recent photo of me and my mom and my dad).

And if that wasn't enough to get me sobbing,  a few gentle reminders of loved ones that passed away popped up on my Facebook page a few days ago.  The first was my grandmother(seen below in a very blurry photo I took when my oldest was a wee lad sitting on her lap in 1992), this photo and one other popped up on her birthday, had she still been with us she would have been 113. 

Whoa!

She was an amazing grandma. She took us on long walks to the park, on special occasions we would head to the ice cream store near the park on the way home for ice cream cones. Some days we would get home to her house and she would make us Jello in these little crystal mugs with handles on them.  She would top the Jello with Reddi Whip. 

She would make Chicken Paprikash and dumplings, this amazing rice(which my awesome cousin gave me the recipe to) and Roshky that were sent from Heaven. 

She would give gentle back rubs when you couldn't sleep. She always listened to this local a.m. radio station and when the news came on and it was something important she would often shush us with a 
"ch, ch" and put her hand to the side as if to stop the conversation and laughter like a traffic cop holding up traffic.

She had a Slovak accent and only spoke Slovak with my father and his siblings. How I wish she taught me her native tongue so I could have held on to more of her than just the memories.

Her accent could be heard when something good would happen and she would say, "Tanks be to Got(thanks be to God)". I can still hear it in my head.

I laugh when I think of that.

The last time I saw her she was in a room in a nursing home I believe(or hospice, can't remember) and she was sitting in a wheelchair. She was seeing things that weren't there. She asked me to get her pocket book(what she called her purse) and get some money for the store, I needed to get carrots for soup. I handed her the pretend pocket book and she had asked me to pick up the change she dropped on the floor. So I did pick up the "change" that "fell" and handed it to her in her frail, wrinkled, aged hands that told the stories of so many things that she had done in her life:

-The roses she loved and planted that sat in the front of her picture window planter with a statue of Mary in her front yard.

-The folded hands in prayer, holding a rosary as she touched every bead with such delicacy and reverence and the prayer books she read as she prayed quietly on bended knees beside her bed.

-The wounds she healed and held as she kissed each child and grandchild's boo-boos.

-The meals she cooked that provided nourishment and comfort to all of us who called grandma's house...HOME.

-The rolling pin she held as she rolled and then cut the dough for all her Roshky.

As we were ready to leave I bent over and hugged her as tight as I could. I said "I love you Grandma" and quietly she said, "I love you my dear."

And then, because at the time, I had no phone, I can't tell you exactly who came over, my mom or my brother, because it was all a big blur at that point, I received news that she had passed away.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I cried for weeks after that, and even now as I write and remember her, my heart is breaking and the tears are flowing.

The one thing that comforts me is knowing that she, my sweet, Slovak-speaking, gentle grandmother is in the arms of Jesus.

She knew Jesus. 

She loved Jesus.

And He loved her too.

He loved her so much, that He called her home to be with him.

************************

If you are having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one here are some resources I hope will help.  Also, be sure to talk to your local pastor and/or a counselor or therapist in your area. Even if you do not attend church or do not believe, a Pastor will assist you in finding the help you may need. 

1. National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

2.  National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264 National Alliance of Mental Illness

3.  Counselor and/or therapist

4.  Your local church community

5.   Friends and/or family

Life IS Beautiful

 

I received this beautiful box from some very dear friends of mine for Christmas.

Inside the box were some more precious gifts: a couple of calendars, one with Psalms for each month and another tea time one, some ceramic measuring cups, and this beautiful devotional book:

This past Christmas was probably by far the best Christmas that I have had in a long time while living here in  Vegas.  I don't like it much here, but I have to be honest, I am having conflicted feelings about moving anywhere after my daughter graduates in two years, not because I like it HERE...in the DESERT....I hate the heat....but I am conflicted because of the church family I have come to know and love around here. 

I don't think I could find another one like it. I don't think I could find an amazing church family like mine here. I know other awesome church families exist with amazing pastors, incredible women's group leaders and greeters and members of the church to befriend and confide in, but I have to say in my very biased opinion....my church family is the most awesome in those areas that I know.

I'm sure though if God wants me to go somewhere else, He'd make sure I was taken care of with a church family just as amazing as the one I have here. We all look out for one another. It's truly a blessing. And we also hold each other accountable if we need to....which I also love about them.

Back to the point of my post here.

Here is this box. When I received it I really did love it, but I was wondering what I would use it for. 

Then yesterday, of all days, I had an idea.

I am going to name this box my Prayer and Praise box. Every day I am going to fill this box with prayer requests and praise to God(Praise Him even in my stressful and darkest times of my life) just like David did in the Psalms. I love the Psalms. I have found great comfort with some life issues I am dealing with right now, in the book of Psalms.

I have decided that any miracles/blessings that happened that day and  where  I saw God's hand in the situation, I will put that on paper and in the box.

For instance, if I had a bad day, but one of my students just came up and randomly hugged me when I just wanted to cry, I will write that moment down on a piece of paper and I will just put that little(or big) folded piece of paper in there and thank God letting Him know that every time I look at this box or open this box I KNOW that life is beautiful, MY life is beautiful, MY CHILDREN'S lives are beautiful, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS lives are beautiful.  

Why do I know this?

Because God made us all to be beautiful in His image.

I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works and that my soul knows very well. -Psalm 139:14

So, I will put something in there, then at the end of the year, I will go through all the blessings and praises and prayer requests and acknowledge and praise God for all the answered(and yes, even unanswered) prayers He has given me and those around me. I will praise Him for the gift He gave me of another year with those I love around me, for our protections and mercies and abundant love HE has shown to all of us.

I will give thanks.

And I will remember.

How even in my worst trials HE was still with me.

How even in the best of times HE was with me also.

So find yourself a nice little shoe box and decorate it. Or pick up a box like this at a craft store or Ross(that is where my friend found this one) and start your own prayer and praise box.

God is good.

ALL....THE...TIME.

So literally count your blessings at the end of the year. What better time to start this box then at the Beginning of a New Year?!

Right???

When times get tough, and you're feeling defeated, it's those times that God is with you most. And those are the times you can open your Praise and Prayer box, take out a piece of paper and be reminded of how God got you through the last problem you incurred.

He is good to us. He is Almighty and He is our Provider.

God IS beautiful; Life IS Beautiful; And YOU my dear and precious reader and friend are beautiful too.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY GOD BLESS YOUR LIFE THIS YEAR WITH MANY, MANY BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS.

Enjoy this video from one of my many favorite bands, Mercy Me:

I Saw an Addict Today and I Cried

I saw an addict today.

He asked me for money.

I asked him what he needed the money for...he said, "Chips". I told him I would buy him the chips and asked what kind he liked. I would have bought him a whole big bag of chips of any brand.

Then he hesitated and said, "I just need the money."

I said, "Well, I only have my card on me. I only pay with my card." I paused and continued. "You don't need the money for food do you?"

He then said to me, "I need a Gatorade."

First it's chips, then it's Gatorade, I knew where this was going.

I said, "What flavor? I will buy it for you."

He said , "That's fine." and walked away.

My heart was breaking for this addict.

The tears began falling down my cheek as I walked to my car with my groceries.

Because someone I love very dearly suffers from addiction and seeing this man, well it reminded me of this someone I love. And you can't help an addict until they want to help themselves. And it's like a very, very, slow train wreck and sometimes you are part of the wreck and sometimes not.

This person I love(whom we shall call "Steve" for purposes of anonymity) would call me for money, over time I stopped sending money and told them I would send them food. I would order groceries so they could eat and they could pick them up at Walmart or the local grocery chain if need be and asked to do so, but I would not send money.

Here's the thing honey, I am not sending you money, not because I don't love you, but because I do.  

Because I know that money will go up your nose or in your veins. Because I know that money is doing the devil's work in you and I love you so much and I pray for you and worry for you and love you so much that I just can't send you that money. 

I could have given that man money outside the grocery store, but I didn't. Because somewhere in this city or country he has a mother, father, brother, son, daughter, aunt, uncle or best friend who loves him and wants him to get clean.

I could feel tears welling up in me. I held it together until I got into the car...and then....I lost it.

I want to just find Steve and tell him, "No sin is so great, no sin is so horrible that the love of God can't forgive you, and that I have already forgiven you for the ugly telephone conversations where you said ugly mean things to me. And that whatever you have done in the past, give your shame to God and let it go, because He is such a loving Father, He has already forgiven AND forgotten it and so should you." 

Whatever you had to do, steal, lie, destroy others lives or property, God has forgiven you and so have I.  You make amends, ask forgiveness and move on.

You my dear Steve are an amazing, smart, strong person. A wonderful father, who like any parent made a mistake.

Broken crayons can still create a beautiful picture, and you my dear "Steve" can still make a beautiful life for you and your immediate family and all of us who love you.

We are all broken. I tell my daughter this all.the.time.

I have made many mistakes in my life and I REFUSE to judge the sins of others when I have my own sins to deal with myself. God has forgiven my past sins and He's already forgiven my future sins.

Some people still hold my sins in their hearts and minds. Steve I am here to tell you that it doesn't matter what those people whisper about you behind closed doors. It doesn't matter if they can't forgive you, that is between God and them....it has NOTHING, LET ME REPEAT, NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. 

Nobody is perfect Steve...not even lil' ol' me.

In the end it only matters only what GOD thinks of you and HE thinks you are an amazing child of His, created in HIS image. You are a gift to others around you, He created you for a purpose in this life to fulfill before you get to Heaven.

"All things work together for good for those who love God and are called to His purpose". Romans 8:28

And to all those out there who sit in judgment of an addict(whether you know them or not),NEVER sit there with disdain in your eyes and your heart saying something like,  "I can't believe she could be so stupid to be an addict." I saw that on a post one time and I wanted to reply to that post, but I didn't. Because I knew I would not be having a kind conversation as it was too close to home for me and instead of listening to the spirit, my flesh would come out.

You don't call them stupid, to their face or behind their backs because that poor addict did not wake up one day and say, "I think my life goal is to use various hallucinogenic drugs to eat up my brain cells and cause various infections from needles to course through my body while I slowly destroy my family, my job, and my health." 

NO!

They use because there are emotional issues going on that they want to escape instead of facing them, they use drugs as an emotional release.  We ALL have some sort of addiction as a good 99% of us have problems that are sometimes just unbearable, or we are an onion like Shrek(good movie) and just don't want to face reality soooo.. instead of turning to God we may turn to one of these poor choices, in excess:

Alcohol, excessive eating, sex hoarding, binging shows on tv, playing games online all day or shopping online all day, excessive spending/gambling...and I am telling you that we ALL are or have been  guilty of some form of addiction.  

It's just for most of us, others can't see it. So clearly, the reasons behind our addictions are justified, but a drug-addict's are not.

Not true.

They don't need to be judged, they need to be prayed for. They need to be loved...unconditionally.

"Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye and then you will clearly see to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Those are Jesus' words not mine and they can be found in Matthew Chapter 7 verse 5. 

Put that one on your bathroom mirror and look at it every morning and find that speck in your eye. I'm talking to myself here too folks. That verse is an eye-opener(no pun intended here either).

"Let he without sin cast the first stone." John 8:7

It isn't easy to love an addict. But we don't love people because they follow some "rules" we set in our head for how they need to behave, dress, act, etc. We love people because #1 Jesus told us to. Even our enemies, Jesus tells us to "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." 

Really Lord? So I have to love the guy that took my promotion? Yep. I have to love the boss that belittles me in front of coworkers? Yep. Love the husband that cheated on me? Uh-huh.

Man....following God's word isn't always easy.

Double yep.

We have to be there for the addict, however, sometimes you have to let them go, give them up to the Lord in prayer, and wait.

Waiting is the hardest.

It doesn't mean you don't care about them anymore, but you do what you can do to the best of your abilities and hope and pray that God will do the rest.

"With men all things are impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." -Matthew 19:26

This person I love...You are not just loved by the Almighty God who created you, but you are loved just as much by me.

And always will be.

God lead me to this scripture one night for my addict:

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." -Ezekiel 35:25-27

What Covid Taught Me About Family

 This is NOT a political post by any means.

This is NOT an "anti-mask" vs. "pro-mask" post.

This is simply a post about what I realized while lying in bed(some days feeling like I wanted to just have the good Lord take me home it was so bad) and how being stuck at home...with NOBODY physically here....that God still provides.

I'm not talking about cold hard cash kind of providing, nor am I talking about a new car, new wardrobe (or new body to fit into a thinner wardrobe). 

Nope.

I am talking about how, during my time of need and feeling alone and scared and sick as death, God provided me the most important thing you need during your worst times:

Family.

After my diagnosis, I got in my car and called my mommy. Yep, my MOMMY. Because who else do you call when you are scared?  She used that "mom voice" of conviction reassuring me that I won't die, and I will be fine and to just take care of myself. I was really scared, but my mom's voice eased my fears in that moment.

A friend of mine from the other campus I worked at for 6 years(my other family), called me that very night and asked me "OMG... I heard the news....how are you feeling?" I told her I was in pain and had a slight cough. 

Then came the following day.  Wasn't feeling any better, on top of that I had to call my ex and my daughter and let them both know I had covid. I was diagnosed on my daughter's birthday, of all the days in the calendar year, after wanting to give her the best sweet sixteen birthday ever, all that down the toilet with this stupid diagnosis. 

Telling my ex was a lot easier than telling my daughter. I knew him telling my boys would be fine and they would be a lot better with the news. They don't have much anxiety like my daughter and I do. 

That evening the front gate calls. Only a few people have my code to let them in. I didn't let the person in because I obviously didn't invite company over. Next thing I know I get a text shortly after from a friend of mine from the other campus saying "Are you home?" to which I reply, "Yep", and she says "Go look on your front porch."

There on my porch was this HUGE red glittery gift bag. Inside this bag was cough syrup, m and m's candy cane, a delicious scented candle, honey buns, cough drops, teas, and know I am forgetting more things, and a gift card for groceries. 

I almost cried.

I was touched by this act of kindness. God showed me that "Yes, Barb, there are people who love and care about you. Yes, Barb I will NEVER leave you or forsake you."

And God showed me by the act of kindness of these six amazing women who signed that card and pitched in for this gift. 

Another friend of mine from church stopped by with Powerade and apples and dropped it off on my front door step. Not once, but twice during my quarantine. Several of my church family members called, texted and sent me letters and my small group women's bible study family sent me a card of  encouragement and prayer.

I do believe that God sending these angels in plain clothes helped me heal emotionally and helped me fight this horrible sickness that was permeating my body.

My daughter called just about every night, and if I didn't respond right away she would keep texting or calling until I did respond. I tried to reassure her that I would not die, and I am getting better. 

Then, the biggest shock and the biggest blessing to my healing....my oldest twin son called me on November 15. "Do you have covid mom?" "Yes." "Are you going to be okay?" 

Concern. 

I held back tears of joy for his act of love and said "Yes, I will be fine." I told him how I felt and how bad it was in the beginning and that I am slowly on the mend.

10 days later, my youngest twin son called me. Asked me how I was feeling. I told him I was going to the ER the following day probably as I was a little dehydrated, but other than that I was fine. He told me that his brother and him got jobs and I was excited for him and his  brother and then we hung up because he had to drive. 

There has been a journey in my relationship with my twin boys. We have had some difficulties, but the fact that they called me was a major milestone. They just recently started hugging me again. We had a really awesome Thanksgiving this year.  First Thanksgiving in 4 years that I shared with  ALL of my three younger children who still live here.

That's a blog for another day.💜

I talked to my 25 year old son too during this whole drama. My 20 year old special needs son called me several times and I reassured him "Mommy will be just fine sweetie, I'm feeling better every day." 💜

Biggest surprise, I finally got to talk to my 21-year old, hearing his voice made me want to cry. 😭 But I held in the tears thankfully. 

Another woman from the other campus stopped by with pears and apples and water and toothpaste and a beautiful orchid(that surprisingly I haven't killed yet..haha). She brought me meatballs and spaghetti and some chocolate chip bakery cookies(Yum those were so delicious).

Towards the end of this madness I couldn't keep anything down. For 4 days I was vomiting 2-4 times a day. My lips and mouth were dry. I told my mom and she suggested Pedialyte. So I texted my neighbor across the way and she got me a bottle of Pedialyte. It seemed to help a little, but after a while the taste got to me. 

I was blessed beyond belief during this sickness.

God made sure his daughter felt his love, and made sure his daughter was taken care of while she was suffering. 

I am forever grateful to ALL those people who called, sent cards and gifts and went to the grocery store while I was down for the count.

Family isn't always blood. 

I had a whole other set of family members that made sure I was okay: Church, Work, and neighbors.

Thank you God for the following people:

My children first and foremost.💚

My Mommy. 💜

My amazing ladies' small group and best friends/family I could ask for: Heidi, Brenda, Heather, Nicole, Julie; and the rest of my "other" family: Sandy, Ilsy, Alicia, Mary, Rapunzel, Kylie, Heather J, Anna, Sandie, Vivien and the ER nurse and doctor who took such good care of me. Thank you all for your concern and care of me during one of the worst times of my life.  If I didn't mention your name here, thank you still. 

I love you all. 💜💛💚💙💔

Thank you to all those individuals who prayed for me and I may not even know you did.

I was  blessed.

Covid taught me that despite it's attempt to take me down and out physically and emotionally, God is MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE POWERFUL than Covid ever will be. 

God gave me the best families in the world; blood, work and church.

I am here now because of them.

To all of you who took care of me I just can't say it enough...

Thank you.💖😘

Look Up

Today is Thanksgiving.

I have so much to be thankful for this year.

For starters, I survived Covid. Yeah, that's right, Covid. I never wanted to talk about that stupid disease or whatever you want to call it on my blog here, but it found me, and it didn't kill me. Some nights I asked God to just let it kill me, I was in so much pain and crying in my bed...alone. But God saved me, and I'm here to celebrate another holiday with my daughter and I was invited to her dad's to celebrate there as well. We're going to head there after our dinner(we eat early). 

It's been a very trying year for me. 

I know, I am not the only one. I am more blessed than some in the fact I still have my job and my health and my children's health. 

This year tested my patience and my faith.  There were times I wondered if God really was real.  I'm being transparent here people.  Things would happen in my life and I would get so mad, and feel sorry for myself, but the truth is if you believe in God and you KNOW you are a child of God and you stay in His word and you are a light to others, you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself.  

Because you are too filled with the light of Jesus to be miserable. No matter your circumstances, you weather through it with God's strength. 

We have all had some sort of upheaval this year. I don't care how much money is in your bank account or how much isn't. Material things don't bring joy. Material things don't bring contentment. Material things don't make you feel secure when you lay your head down at night.

Only God can do that.

Truth.

So give thanks this year no matter how impossible your circumstances may seem this year. No matter how dark your situation is....look to the light....Jesus Christ. 

Look up. 

When the clouds are dark, and the storms are swirling and things seem hopeless...look up and see the light. 

He is there.

Stay in the word and be a blessing to others and you will find, at the end of the day, that your life really isn't as bad as you think it is.

You're still alive and God isn't done with you yet.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

By the Grace of God

"By the grace of God I am still standing."

How many times have you uttered those words? I have managed to say those words at least a hundred times, if not more in my lifetime.

I have made choices, gone through battles, and won tiny parenting wars after which I have said those words.

God's grace and strength has been with me throughout this week.  Especially one day this week, when someone got snarky with me and all I said was "Please be patient someone is on their way," to which this person replied, "Take a chill pill."

The flesh in me wanted to make a snarky comment back, I could feel God saying,  " Show this person love. Show them grace." Then my pastor's sermon on Corinthians 13(Love Is) could not have been more appropriate a teaching than in this moment.

As I stood there, wanting to snark back....

I said nothing.

I let go and let God.

It's amazing how God works. He righted the wrong and when I ran into this person at a later time, she said to me, "I was just kidding. I am so sorry. I didn't mean that to be rude. I am sorry." 

I looked at this person and I said "It's okay."

Forgiven...just like that.

I then said something to another person next to me, I said, "I read my Bible and I practice what I preach."

Hmm...

I did mean what I said, but I think a tad bit of pride was in my tone.

I hate when God does something amazing and then I go ahead and screw it up with stupid pride.  This is God's conviction. Immediately I knew, as soon as it came out of my mouth, that I was not being Christ-like in my tone.

But God forgave me, just like I forgave that woman, and instantly righted my wrong.

"Not one is righteous, no not one." (Romans 3:10)

Including me, including you, including that pastor behind the podium who maybe did something, that according to your "flesh-filled lenses" wasn't biblically right, including that person at McDonald's who didn't smile when you walked up to the counter with a smile, including that person who cut you off in traffic, including your own children, including your own parents and employers and your neighbor next door.

"My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness."(2 Cor 12:9)

We need to remember that when someone wrongs us, we have to show them love and not judgment. Even if we aren't feeling our best.

I had a rough week. It started with an after-church lunch at a very special friend's house from church. I had to excuse myself early for health reasons, and I was mad  at my "stupid body" that I even had to leave. We were having such a great time. I went to work Monday, and wouldn't ya know it, I bent down to wipe off the table at work and PING this sharp pain ricocheted around my front and back and down my left leg. I was hunched over the table, and could...not...move.

I did the best to sit in the tiny-human chair behind me and told my co-teacher, "Um, I am just going to hang out here for a minute. I pulled something in my lower back."  It was just a crazy busy week this week in the classroom, crying, stomping feet, the sometimes unforeseen scenario in a preschool but it was taking a toll on my already mentally and physically strained body.

My hormones were in overdrive, I had this really bad headache two days in a row, cramps and hot flashes but somehow, someway, by the Grace of God and His strength, I made it through my week.

I showed love even when I didn't feel(physically or mentally) very lovely.

Do I get angry?

Yes.

Have I yelled before?

Absolutely.

But I am learning, that when I stay in God's word, I am less likely to snap and more likely to surrender no matter what my circumstances are.

I do my best to not complain.

I do my best to honor God in my words and actions.

Today is my last day of work for the week. 

Yes, we get a three-day weekend here in the state of Nevada. Tomorrow is Nevada day. My Indiana friends might want to look into an Indiana day for their three-day weekend. LOL.

I am going to enjoy the holiday party with my little monsters, and princesses and Paw Patrol folk and all my wonderfully amazing coworkers.

I am going to make sure that when people say things or do things or cut me off in traffic or don't acknowledge my presence, that I still remember to surrender my flesh and hold onto Jesus.

Have  a great weekend.

Stay safe.