Death is difficult.
This past year has made even the youngest of children, unfortunately, understand how final death really is. Covid was a deadly thing. It not only took lives, but for those who survived it, it took their normalcy away with lingering effects that may or may not last a lifetime; pains, headaches, lung damage, loss of taste and/or smell, and the list goes on.
It caused a strain on marriages, death by suicide to hundreds of children due to isolation and the loneliness and fear that followed this evil Covid.
In the last month, several people I know have lost a loved one. In the next few months there will be a heartbreaking anniversary for the death of a young woman who I knew quite well and her death shook me to the core of my being. I cried so hard when I saw a Facebook post on her page and I was in utter denial and shock that she had gone to be with Jesus. Though I knew in my heart that the end of her life here, was the beginning of her life in the arms of Jesus and safe in eternity from pain, sorrow and tears, it was still a hard pill for me to swallow in the moment.
The previous year, I lost two friends in January of 2019; just 12 days apart from one another.
You can't escape it.
It's inevitable.
And though death seems so bleak, as I mentioned above, being a follower of Christ, I know for a fact that death isn't the end but the beginning.
Not really much comfort when you are in the throws of sadness and anger but it's truth. Jesus is with us through it all and with us when we finally make it to heaven.
We have a shiny golden crown awaiting us.
Our end here, is the beginning of our new forever life with Jesus in Heaven.
Those words may not seem like much comfort on that first Christmas without Aunt Sara, or the first Easter without Grampa Todd. That empty chair where your husband or wife or child sat at the table is a grim reminder of someone who left that table way...too...soon.
However, instead of focusing on it being a somber moment, rejoice that your loved one is no longer in pain and is smiling and dancing and in awe in the arms of Jesus. Go to Jesus when you cannot sleep, read the Word when you are having time with issues of anger or grief due to the death of a loved one.
He is with you. He will give you the strength to get through this, even though you feel lost, or weak or as though you just can't go on much longer.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Phillipians 4:13
I started this post a while ago.
Then the other day while on the phone with my mom, who is a very personal person so I won't share details of what we were talking about, but I began to cry.
She is fine, her health is good, God has blessed her tremendously with many long years of life and many more to come I am sure.
Somehow we were talking about her life and when it is over, and I began crying. The thought of losing my mom frightens me and tried to keep the tears from coming. Truth be told, I was actually laughing and crying and she told me not to do that because I would make her cry too.
(I want my parents to live forever, but we all know God calls us home in His own time. I also want to get a recent photo of me and my mom and my dad).
And if that wasn't enough to get me sobbing, a few gentle reminders of loved ones that passed away popped up on my Facebook page a few days ago. The first was my grandmother(seen below in a very blurry photo I took when my oldest was a wee lad sitting on her lap in 1992), this photo and one other popped up on her birthday, had she still been with us she would have been 113.
Whoa!
She was an amazing grandma. She took us on long walks to the park, on special occasions we would head to the ice cream store near the park on the way home for ice cream cones. Some days we would get home to her house and she would make us Jello in these little crystal mugs with handles on them. She would top the Jello with Reddi Whip.
She would make Chicken Paprikash and dumplings, this amazing rice(which my awesome cousin gave me the recipe to) and Roshky that were sent from Heaven.
She would give gentle back rubs when you couldn't sleep. She always listened to this local a.m. radio station and when the news came on and it was something important she would often shush us with a
"ch, ch" and put her hand to the side as if to stop the conversation and laughter like a traffic cop holding up traffic.
"ch, ch" and put her hand to the side as if to stop the conversation and laughter like a traffic cop holding up traffic.
She had a Slovak accent and only spoke Slovak with my father and his siblings. How I wish she taught me her native tongue so I could have held on to more of her than just the memories.
Her accent could be heard when something good would happen and she would say, "Tanks be to Got(thanks be to God)". I can still hear it in my head.
I laugh when I think of that.
The last time I saw her she was in a room in a nursing home I believe(or hospice, can't remember) and she was sitting in a wheelchair. She was seeing things that weren't there. She asked me to get her pocket book(what she called her purse) and get some money for the store, I needed to get carrots for soup. I handed her the pretend pocket book and she had asked me to pick up the change she dropped on the floor. So I did pick up the "change" that "fell" and handed it to her in her frail, wrinkled, aged hands that told the stories of so many things that she had done in her life:
-The roses she loved and planted that sat in the front of her picture window planter with a statue of Mary in her front yard.
-The folded hands in prayer, holding a rosary as she touched every bead with such delicacy and reverence and the prayer books she read as she prayed quietly on bended knees beside her bed.
-The wounds she healed and held as she kissed each child and grandchild's boo-boos.
-The meals she cooked that provided nourishment and comfort to all of us who called grandma's house...HOME.
-The rolling pin she held as she rolled and then cut the dough for all her Roshky.
As we were ready to leave I bent over and hugged her as tight as I could. I said "I love you Grandma" and quietly she said, "I love you my dear."
And then, because at the time, I had no phone, I can't tell you exactly who came over, my mom or my brother, because it was all a big blur at that point, I received news that she had passed away.
My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I cried for weeks after that, and even now as I write and remember her, my heart is breaking and the tears are flowing.
The one thing that comforts me is knowing that she, my sweet, Slovak-speaking, gentle grandmother is in the arms of Jesus.
She knew Jesus.
She loved Jesus.
And He loved her too.
He loved her so much, that He called her home to be with him.
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If you are having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one here are some resources I hope will help. Also, be sure to talk to your local pastor and/or a counselor or therapist in your area. Even if you do not attend church or do not believe, a Pastor will assist you in finding the help you may need.
1. National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255
2. National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264 National Alliance of Mental Illness
3. Counselor and/or therapist
4. Your local church community
5. Friends and/or family
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