Waiting in the Terminal to Heaven

"I just need a hug", I cried out to God last night. "I really need a hug right now, God," I said.

There comes a time in our lives when we all just need a hug.

Whether it's due to a win in a championship game, or the birth of a child, the broken heart of a teenage love gone away, or the passing of a loved one, sometimes you just need a big, warm, solid hug.

I am working on healing this holiday season.

It's been two months since my father went to be in the arms of Jesus. He is so lucky. He gets to live in Heaven now, pain free, and worry-free. My daddy always worried about something; my son coming home from work safe in a storm, the sump pump going off at a certain time, or driving alone to church just five blocks down the street.

He had many pains and many meds he was on when he was still with us.

He was suffering and God said, "Fred, you were a good and faithful servant, it's time for you to come home to me."

And He took him home.

Oh, I am sure that he is ever so grateful the Lord took him home.  Although most of us still here on this earthly plain still cry tears of sadness and sometimes tears of anger, and sometimes cry at the most unexpected moments, we KNOW(at least I do anyway) that he is in Heaven with HIS daddy and HIS mamma and singing songs of praise to the MOST HIGH GOD with the angels. 

There has to be some comfort in that ya know.

But some days it isn't quite that easy to remember; or we just want to cry because our fleshly selves know our loved ones are gone, and we don't know when the time will come when we will see them again in Heaven. We want them here, NOW, because we miss them, and there were things left unsaid, and memories and moments still left to be had. 

I took photos and posted said photos on my Facebook. Because to me those aren't photos of my dad "on his deathbed", but rather the last photos of he and I and my daughter and him while he is waiting at the terminal to Heaven.

Biblical Perspective.

That's what I am saying here. 

We are all in the terminal to Heaven. 

Some people are on standby. Some already have their ticket and KNOW they are going to see Jesus soon and others have no idea that their ticket is already purchased and the flight to Heaven is coming soon. My daughter and I were blessed to be able to fly back home and spend time with my father(and our family) at the terminal, she told me she was so glad she got to take care of him. It gave her peace(and me too) being able to see him and care for him those last few weeks. 

God blessed us with a gift we can never repay to see my daddy.

Although he will be greatly missed by my daughter and I, I am happy that he is no longer in pain and is finally home with the Lord. Does it make me miss him any less?

No.

Does it make me cry any less, or skip all five of the stages of grief by some miracle?

No.

Earth is just our transitional housing folks.

It's not a forever home here.

God brought us here at a certain time, for His purpose and His glory and when that purpose is fulfilled we get to go home. 

To our FOREVER home....IN HEAVEN.

So yes, some days I wish I had someone to hug me in some of those darker moments. 

Missing daddy isn't easy some days. Just yesterday I was making a payment on a loan I took out, and the tears just came out of nowhere and would not stop. God bless Tina, the woman behind that glass partition, she handed me tissues and told me "Just let it go sweetie, it's okay. I just lost my aunt a few months ago, and I lost my dad 21 years ago." With sympathetic eyes while shoving tissues in that silver coin holder between me and that glass partition she let me cry it out. She asked me if I needed a water. God gave me Tina in that moment, a true angel who let me "cry it out" and not hide my feelings, or pretend they weren't there.

I couldn't stop, it just hit me. 

It kept hitting me, like waves in a hurricane against the boulders on the shoreline. There was nothing I could do but stand there and sob. I had to make my payment, I couldn't just run out. 

My sadness and love for my father was all over my face and those tissues in my hand. 

I was a hot mess.

And yes, some days I cry my eyeballs out and can't stop no matter how hard I try to stop the tears from falling. 

I was at church a few weeks ago. And I had just finished having a cry fest in my car, and I was all excited that was done, and I could get to choir practice sans the tears. I wiped my eyes and walked into the lobby of the church.

And then it happened...

"How great thou art, how great thou art, then sings my souuuuul,....", sang the worship team and the flood gates opened and I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried, they just wouldn't stop. This was my dad's favorite song and the last song I heard for my father in their church that cold, Monday morning of his funeral.

So there I was trying to get to choir practice upstairs as I passed people by sobbing like a child who didn't get a toy they wanted in aisle 4 because mom said no.

I just went with it.

Didn't try to stop it.

Just let the tears fall as fast as they came.

If there is any place to cry like a baby, it's church. 

There is no right way to grieve. 

"It's okay to cry, it's okay to fall apart, you don't have to try to be strong when you are not...", Ryan Stevenson sings those lyrics in his song, When We Fall Apart .

I know so many friends who are dealing with their grief this holiday season. 

This blog is for you too. This blog is letting you know it's alright to cry it out, ugly cry, sobbing on the floor holding photos of your loved one and crying out to God. 

It's OKAY!

Don't hide your feelings. 

That is called repressive coping. It's not healthy to hold in your tears. It can cause physical and mental issues in your body down the road.

Let it out.

Give it to God. 

That's what He says to do in Scripture.

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds" -Psalm 147:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" -Matthew 5:4

This holiday season, I will light my tree and worship the Lord and hang out with my daughter and remember all the Christmases of the past with my dad. 

Like the time we hid in the closet in the foyer waiting for "Santa" to come and jumping out of the closet trying to catch Santa; not even remotely noticing my poor father out of breath after ringing the bell and running through the hall out the back door, dog barking like crazy and our child-like looks of joy as we saw all the gifts that sat there before us. 

The Christmas where he wrapped all our gifts with tape all over the edges that you couldn't get your fingernail inside the gift seals to open it.

The Christmas where each of us children had 7 digit numbers instead of our names on our presents so we wouldn't shake the gifts before Christmas Eve dinner was over.

That is what I am going to remember, and treasure, this Christmas season.

The love of my father in the wonderful memories he left in my heart.

So as we sit and wait in the terminal to Heaven,  let's cling to God this holiday season. Jesus is the true reason for this season. So let's hang onto Him tightly. 

He will help us to move on. 

He will help us with our wait in the terminal. 

After all He is our pilot. 

And as long as we keep our eyes on Him, we will be able to make it through the terminal of life until He calls us home with Him and our loved ones.

May your holiday be blessed this season and may you find comfort in the arms of our Lord.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year too.