A Boat Without A Paddle and Some Holes Will Eventually Float

Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it may depart from me.  And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will most gladly boast of my infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake,  that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:8-10

This is going to be a heavy post.

Not drama, just heavy.

Like, heavy whipping cream heavy, not heavy bricks. It's not THAT bad, but it's not that great either. And blogging is my therapy, so anyone who is still reading this to the end, you will notice I use humor despite my current circumstances to get through all this. 

That being said:

I'm struggling here folks. 

The silver lining is that I have been here before, many times as a matter of fact in my past, and God has always been faithful.

He gave me this scripture this morning as I sat here and balled my eyes out over my current situation:

"But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." - Philipians 4:19

This does not mean He will make me instantly rich. 

God is NOT a genie!

He supplies our needs. This is not to be confused with our wants. Our wants are Taco Bell on a Tuesday night, or a movie or an Iphone. Our wants are a tub of ice cream at the store when we NEED milk or bread. 

Being a Christian means you believe, in God's timing, all things are going to work out. This is what faith is. This is what I hold onto in times like this. 

Let me tell you what's going on. A lot of us, thanks to stupid Covid and the stupid politics of this madness (which this is not a political blog, so I'm just going to move on)some of us have suffered, some more severely than others, and it's sketchy as to which bill is getting paid this month or if we can pay any bill at all. Because I have always always been responsible paying my bills. But this past month I had an unwelcome surprise at payday due to this whole Covid craziness and it eventually snowballed into September's bills.

Now here I sit, writing this blog.  Because I know I am NOT the only one in this little pickle of a financial mess.  I also signed up for Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University Plus", thank you Jesus for gifts like this one. The whole package is free.

I have been blessed with a job that paid me during quarantine while we did online training. While thousands struggled with no income, I was blessed.  I am still blessed because I am still employed at that same job. A job I prayed for before I got it. That will be a blog of it's own someday, because that IS an amazing story. I love this job, but due to current circumstances I am now forced to find secondary employment through the holidays until things return to normal in society.

If normal even exists in this world anymore.

Back to the game though. I tend to go off on tangent thoughts from time to time, bear with me please. Try to keep up okay?(Insert cheesy grin here)

About that bill paying game, it's a game for those of  us struggling emotionally, physically and most importantly...the big one folks...financially. Most of these categories of struggles lead to the biggest one....spiritual struggles.

I call this game of bill paying, "Who Gets It?"

Sounds like a parenting game where someone broke a dish and the kids sit silently with deer-in-the-headlight stares at one another wondering about who's bottom is getting spanked for breaking one of Mother's Christmas dishes. 

No. 

That's not my game.

My game involves monthly bills, and who gets my hard earned dollars this month. 

Hence, the title, Who Gets It?

This month's winners are(in no particular order, because ALL are important):

1. Rent

2. Electric

3. Gas

4. Cell Phone

Which actually cell phone should just lose and I'll give some of it to car payment, because I have nothing left to give to car payment and cell phone needs to be replaced because when I charge it I have a charge of 92% when it says "battery fully charged" and I only have a full charge for, oh, about an hour and a half before it's back at 50%.

Cell phone is 5 years old folks. 

That's like 110 in human years. It should be exhibited at the Smithsonian Museum next to Blockbuster Video Cards and 8 tracks.

So here I sit wondering where I'm going to find the funds to pay car payment, and thank God student loan is on hiatus until December thanks to our President because I am already in a boat with no paddles and tons of holes.

Can you relate?

I wish someone would comment on my blogs.  I would love to encourage someone else in this boat with no paddles and holes in it.  

This is going to get better.  This, for whomever is reading this and is in the same boat, is just a season I am in. It's just a season for you, too.

See, I'm the type of person who takes my own advice. 

I won't lie, I never use to be.  But the more I study my bible and the more I realize that worry does nothing but give you acne and sleepless nights and serves no greater purpose I can say with 100% conviction that God will get me through this. Because I rely on God and His Word and His mercy and grace and His timing when things get crazy, I KNOW without a doubt I will be okay.

I've applied for secondary jobs and put out feelers for babysitting as well just to get us through the holiday season.

Despite the fact I use words like "stupid"(see above when I mention Covid...I didn't simply call it Covid, I don't even like talking about it because that's what it is...stupid.) and even though I get angry or sad or cry, that does not make me less of a Christian. 

I am not Mary Poppins.

I'm a Christian. 

Christians cry. I am a human, therefore I cry.

It doesn't mean I am weak. It doesn't mean I have no faith when I cry, it simply means I am human and as a human I  have emotions. If I were to pretend that everything is fine and don't cry or don't get angry....I am merely fooling myself and eventually it will make me physically and spiritually ill. 

No thank you! Ulcers and getting angry at God for my circumstances and all that depression I can do with out. Not me satan! I'm a child of God!

Just so you know, it's important to talk about our feelings. It's important to turn to God first and foremost and ask for His guidance. It's important to turn to our church family for encouragement and a listening ear, and if we still can't get it together and we find ourselves swirling down that deep, dark, hole of depression, sometimes we may eventually need professional help.

And that's okay too.

I'm not at that point. 

I've been there, and I know the signs, but I've been hanging onto God and I have some amazing sisters-in-Christ who are here for me and likewise I am ALWAYS there for them.

Mental Health has always had this stigma attached to it.

I honestly don't know why people are ashamed to see a therapist.

My therapists were the best. I had three. Third one was a gift from God 9 years ago.

I will never forget her. 

Carmen.

I am forever grateful for her. Between God and Carmen my ducks eventually lined up in a row and sang.

It was an amazing feeling.

Prior to that, I was a hot mess.

I shouldn't be here, by the grace of God I am though.

I will share that story another day, because my mess will be a message for someone who is in a hot mess like mine was and needs to know that even when you run from God, He brings you back to Him eventually. And even in your deepest, darkest moments when you want to die, He won't let you, and won't let go of you either.

 I feel like my days lately look and feel like this photo.

A little ominous and eerie, but nothing to worry about really.

See, here's the deal, when your ducks are all scattered and your boat is stuck in a storm floating at sea in all the lightning and thunder, just remember the disciples in the boat(Matthew 8:24-26) during the storm while Jesus slept.

Suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea so the boat was covered with the waves.  But He was asleep. And His disciples came to Him and awoke Him saying, "Lord, save us! We are perishing! Jesus said, "Why are you so fearful,  Oh you of little faith?"

Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea and there was a great calm.

Jesus is there.

Even if you don't think He is, or believe that He is, I can tell you He truly is.

He will patch the holes and give you oars that will take you further than you ever imagined.

Talk to Him.

He's listening.

Read His Word.

He's speaking.

Do you hear Him?

The wind, the sound of the birds in the air, that still small voice in your head; He's there.

Listen.

I feel better already.

The bills are still there, the money isn't.

But I know that He will provide.

So I'll just wait, pray and listen.

It'll be okay.  

Because without any storms there would be no rainbows.